My Benji how I miss how my heart aches for you not to have you here breaks my heart its 1 year since you been gone not all my tears not all my love is going to stop me from missing you, so life shall never be the same no matter how I try you where my son and you should not have died this is not the way the cricle of lifeit to be a mother so not be with out her child.I know that you had your life path and you where to leave before me but the pain is not any easier to bear but I shall be with you someday.I miss my my sweet boy I shall love you forever and beyond from today till my last breath my love for you shall always be.Forever your mother I shall be. Be by my side till we meet again Benji. Love Mom

I have many wonderful momeries of xmas that have passed I shall treasure as long as I live I shall try not to cry for you but I see you as clear as a bell just as the song says you loved xmas most of all holidays you had that twinkle in your eye when ever you gave someone a gift or when you got one and I shall always remember that.You where such a sweet boy. Last xmas was a sad one for me for you had lost that joy due to all the pain killers you where on but I was with you is all that matters to me and in my heart you shall live on and on please know that I shall love you forever and in my heart you shall live on . My Son you left too soon but it was your lifes journey I had always planned to go first but that was not how it happen so here I am xmas eve missing you and wishing I could hold you and feel you and hear you say hey mom it smells so good what are you cooking, this year my boy I am not cooking dinner I shall go see you brother he is making dinner tomorrow but I am making some meat balls to take along. I have candles burning like I do every night for you but tonight I just lite a few more than I do. I am lighting the way for your love to enter even if I can not see you I know you are beside and now and always I shall one day fly with you my angel. There is nothing on this earth that I would want more than to have you to hold me again that shall never be but my soul knows you are part of me always now and forever that is a bond between a mother and her son I carried alone just me and you my sweetness you where under my heart for nine months how can you not be apart of me .So Benji this xmas my hope is like the song says if maybe there is a heaven I shall be with you again.That is my hope blessed xmas my son.Love you forever and beyond your Mother.

It is going to be 11 months tomorrow that you are gone I miss you so much.I get so sad thnking about how you suffered but now you are in a better place where there is no pain your spirit is free.I shall always miss you even if I know you have no more pain I am going to go to a candle light service tomorrow with parents that have lost children they are the only ones that understand my sorrow and pain and know what it is like to miss a child I love you Benji now and forever and beyond.Your Mother I shall forever be in this life.

I went to the hospital today to take the nurses that took such good care of you last Dec.I took a box of dofferent teas and a box of cookies. I light a candle for Aids Day today baby I am so sad that you are gone I can not go to the hospital again it broke my heart to see the room you suffered so much in. I do not know how I am going to make it past this holiday season I have this black hole that only you can fill and I shall never see your face or touch you or kiss you again only in my dreams I do dream of you often.I love you my sweet boy so so much I do know you are near me you said you would be I do senc you but its not the same as having you here. And Christmas was your favorite of year you always did such a great job in your place even the last xmas you had a home,forgive me Benji but I can not put up a tree and I do not think I shall ever since you are gone xmas left with you. I love you benji help mom make it through this time of the year most are happy and I am glad for for that but I shall not ever be as happy as I use to be when you where in my life.Love Mom.

I went out for supper tonight I have not gone out to eat on a friday night since you have been gone I sure missed your company.As I was walking home I started to cry just thinking about when you use to have dinner with me and so many things have changed since you been gone sweetie.Do you remember where the north shore news use to be nd fire well that was what 3 years ago now they are finally gettting ready to put up the condos,if you where here you be watching I am sure.The corner on Chesterfielf well guess what the aprartments are almost finished.The one on 14 where you lived it has so changed just a few short months and so much is different since you been gone,My heart breaks when I think of how much you have missed.I love you Benji more than words can say. .I know you told me you would be watching over and you would always be by my side.Love you Sweetie Mom.

How I miss you Benji if only you could just come and sit with me awhile like we use how I wish that so but it can never be ever again.I know that to never see you again breaks my heart more and more everyday.I told you I would be fine but somedays I am not at all I miss more on sunny days.The smallest of things like today your key chain I am using for a key now well I need to go to my locker and just to pick it and and hold I felt you but I was so so sad for I miss you so.It is 7 months now that you are gone I cry for you today they say tears heat a broken heart well you took my heart with you when you died so how can my heart ever heal with out you . I light your candle everynight but yesterday Ihad it on all day.I wish I could explain this emptyness I feel this saddness this black hole but I can not there are no words to explain this feeling not here on earth. I remmeber oh so well the bond you and I had for the moment you where consieved you where mine our souls are one my son that I know for one to carry a child for nine months you where a part of me like I am a part of you but you are gone now so a part of me died with you.You wrote me a poem that you would always be by my side and that is what gives me a little comfort to know that you are watching over me.I miss you I love you forever and beyond. Your Loving Mother I am and always shall be nothing in heave or earth can change that my dear Benji. Love you Mom The picture is the dance of all season by mother earth

1969 to 2008 aged: 38 From: North Vancouver Bc Canada My son Benn was my best friend he was always there for me.He called me almost everday and always ended with I love you mom.He would kiss my cheek when he would leave after he would come for a visit.He was a fine youung man that would have given all he had to his family and his friends.I shall never be the same now that he is gone but what a gift I was given when he came into the world .Love you forever my darling son Benn. I watch you take your first step and your last I sat with you the night you died but fell asleep as you took your last breath but that was your journey home my son so that is how it had to be but it breaks my heart not to hear you call me Mom if I had one wish that would be to hear your voice again and to hear you laugh and see your bright eyes . Love you forever Mom. Add tribute or offer your condolences

January 19, 2008 My Son Benn I shall miss you all the days of my life you shall live through me till we meet again. My life shall never be the same but what a wonderful gift God gave me when you come into the world I made a promise to you that day and I would always be there and so it came to be you left for home before me. I know you are waiting for me till that day I hold your memories dear to my heart. Your loving Mother Susan Szabo (North Vancouver, BC) Contact me

January 20, 2008 well I didn't know Benn, but I sure have heard about him over the years from his mother. Her love and dedication to him told me Benn had to be a great guy. Hope ur at peace now Benn and hope ur mother is now also Ana Diaz Duran (Guatemala) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

January 20, 2008 Hey Whispy...let your memories keep him alive for you. I can imagine what you've endured and my heart breaks for you. You WILL make it. He's not hurting anymore and at peace. (p.s. this is a great tribute to him):-) Clue Clue less (SAN ANTONIO, TX) Contact me --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- January 21, 2008 Dear Susan, Although, I did not know Benn very well I know he must have been very special because he came from you. I pray that you stay strong and continue to let your spirit rule. Benn will never go very far from you and I trust that he will help you through this difficult time. Benn, your memory will live on because you are loved by many. Samantha Ghoukassian (Vancouver, BC) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

January 21, 2008 My dear friend Susan, No son should have to endure what Benji did and no mother should have to endure what you did. Isn't it amazing what a mother's love can do? You were given your cross to carry and you did it alone and oh so bravely. There will come a time when Benji and you shall meet again.God's love always shone on the both of you. May Benji rest in peace now and may you continue to find the strength to move onward. Beverley (Vancouver, BC) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

January 23, 2008 Dear Susan, When you lost your son, I also lost a very dear friend. My heart goes out to and so do my thoughts and prayers. Benn had let me know that he did not believe this to be a time of mourning, rather a time to celebrate the time we did have... and the experiences that were shared. Be happy knowing we've had the privledge of Benn in our lives. I'm grateful for having the pleasure of being his friend. This I'll always cherish. Dan Horwood (Vancouver, BC)

January 23, 2008 Benn...I feel privileged to have met and cared for you. You put a smile on my face and touched me with your wit and spirit. I am happy that you allowed me to play a small part in your journey. Tread lightly wherever you are right now...I can see your smile and that cheeky sparkle in your eyes still to this day. Susan, take care and know that my thoughts and warms wishes are with you and your family. Amanda Clarke (Vancouver, BC)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- January 23, 2008 My Dearest Benn, you brought so many wonderful things to my life in your special ways. You showed me strength and compassion and uncovered the drive in me that I could never have done on my own. You loved me, my husband and my son unconditionally and we loved you back. You will be forever in my memories and the Angel in my dreams. I love you and one day we will meet again. Love you lots, Terri Terri Neish (Langley, BC)

January 23, 2008 Our thoughts and prayers are with you in your time of grief. May your memories bring you comfort. Aunty Pearl Uncle Walter (Surrey, BC) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

January 24, 2008 Dear Susan Your like a mother to me.I enjoy you very much.Your personality is so electric keep your spirts high. I had the privledge to get to know Ben on so many levels and he made me laugh alot. My thoughts and prayers are with you and him. Jason Hadikin (Vancouver) Contact me

January 29, 2008 Dear Susan, Your son Benn was such a nice soul ,you and he were and are so much alike,you two would make me laugh on are many drives home from work , if their was a mirror image of people it would be you two,you two took care of each other always you for him and he for you,he will always be in are hearts and i will always cherish my Emerald Barbie he got me for Christmas it was so thoughtful,Susan you are stonge ,wise and will always be Benns mom be proud. Tina Anderson (Vancouver, BC) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

February 4, 2008 To my dearest friend Benn. I don't know what it was that brought us together and from the get go made us so close? The truth of the matter is you were always there any time day or night and that is what makes a true friend. You will be in my thoughts and memories everyday I remain on this earth. Thank you for showing me your heart and understanding that no matter how short or long the time between our visits that nothing had ever changed and I guess this is just another one of those times... Till we meet again dear Benn, be well and keep an eye out for the people you loved.. XO Ken ken shapkin (Vancouver, BC)

February 6, 2008 Dearest Susan ...just wanted to send a few words of comfort and praise for your unending devotion to your beloved Benn. It was my pleasure to care for Benn while he was at St. Paul's Hospital PCU. I was captured by Benn's refusal to give in or give up until he had no other option. His strength was amazing. I will also remember and be inspired by how dedicated you were Susan- to being there for Benn in the truest sense of the word. He was lucky to have such a wonderful Mom...and from the sound of all the beautiful messages here you were fortunate to have each other. Peace and Prayers go out to you Sincerely Chris McRae xo Chris McRae (Vancouver, BC)

August 1, 2008 It was your brothers birthday yesterday how I miss you my beautiful boy you always loved brithdays as much as I did we always made a big to do about them.I count the days that you been gone and my heart aches even more as time goes by.Some say to move on but how can I you where the love of my life and when you left you took my heart with you. Susan Szabo (North Vancouver, BC) Contact me

I have so many memories of you I shall start with this one when you where born the doctor said oh my he has the longest legs and arms I have seen he is sure to be a basketball star.Well than you where 12 and the doctor said you better prepare him for he is going to be very short.Well you fooled them all you where 5 foot 9 inch I would say that is a very average height ,but you where not an average person you had so much love spirit and you had so many gifts of talentsother than basketball.You where my son and that is all that matter to me just to have you in my life where a joy even when we did not see eye to eye but its ok that is what makes us human.The love you and I shared shall be put down on this site so all who knew you and even the people that did not well know you through me.