...I am being tested.....All I can think about is this tragedy with Lil'.....I keep telling myself to stay strong and keep my cool-----but I feel I'm about to break... AND then I think of you and all that you have gone through(what I know at least) and it's just so unbelievable that you stayed as strong and sane as you did....it boggles my mind.....I tell myself to suck it up because momma "went to hell and back" on more then one occasion and that this is just my "first ride"....... It's unbelievable how magnificent you were......I LOVE YOU and ADMIRE YOU. I wish you all the happiness,fun,love,respect and everything good under the sun in heaven...this doesn't mean I don't want you here....just want you to know...I "see" more and more... LOVE YOU FOREVER MISS YOU ALWAYS

be here to keep Lil' safe and guide us through this horrific time. Keep me strong and able to keep my cool....no matter how much I want to smack the motherfuckers down. DAMN IT..... MOMMA I NEED YOU---NOW MORE THEN EVER....Guide us through to the brighter side.... I love you 'til we are together again...I'll miss you....FOREVER!

......you would come to me---day or night---and tell me how everything is just fine and that you are always here watching over us and you see the marvels of our everyday lives....I want to know that you are watching over us... I believe with all my heart that you are....Just because I believe, doesn't mean I see.... LOVE you MISS you Keekers

Kelc looked at me and said, "I miss Nana"......I said, "Me too baby, every minute of everyday"....it breaks my heart to know that you won't be here to see the girls graduate or go on their first date or driving (God help me). I hate the fact, that you won't be here to help me through these times, but especially for them---they will never get a chance to hear about your graduation days or your first date or your driving adventures....they miss you so much........I miss you so much, don't know how to keep my head up when all along, it was you who always helped me keep mine up.... It's so hard wanting something that you'll never have.....I just wish I would of realized it while you were still here.... Forgive me Momma LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU ENDLESSLY

So much has happened that I wish you could have been a part of.... My 21st birthday, ohhh how I long for the day we can have a "LEGAL" drink together. I know you had a problem with my drinking, but with you it would be a different story. RIGHT?! I wish you were here my first day back to classes to tell me just how proud you are of me & to tell me that everything will be OK. I wish I could hear you say, "I told ya so!" Even if it is in the worst way possible because I need to hear that from time to time. I wish you could see your baby grow into a fine young man. He may be a brat at times & hell he has an attitude, but damn is he a good kid. Has great grades, all A's & he is even the star of his football team, but whats new!?! Hes a star on every team because he has you as his motivation and drive! I wish you could be here to smack dad around from time to time because he needs YOU to every minute of everyday. Dad still has his days where it is real rough, but he is really doing a great job! We all need you mom. We miss you like crazy. I LOVE YOU.

I want you to hear and see...I have to keep telling myself that you do hear and see everything that I want you to, but it's just not the same as you being here. I want to see the expression on your face,I want to smell your smell,I want to feel your hand on my face....I miss you like crazy---everyday.....it's unbelievable how so much has changed and how the emptiness inside has just grown and grown..... I LOVE YOU I MISS YOU FOREVER AND EVER I long to be by your side, once again......

....I don't want to....the home I grew up in, it's no longer any kind of "home" to me. It hurts so bad to say that---but it's the truth. It's no longer a home full of love and warmth. It's just a house on a street in a city, that holds so many wonderful memories.....I guess I thought that would be able to happen again....I thought wrong.... I miss you SO much!! It will NEVER be the same!! LOVE you FOREVER and EVER 'til we meet again....

...we've been back. INSTANTLY I felt a "weight" lifted. I feel free again....able to enjoy life and my surroundings. I was in a prison all my own.....it's something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you. As time has gone by, I try and remember all of the love we shared,the fun we had....it's great when someone else mentions a memory they have,it brings to life a whole new memory for me....AND for that I am forever grateful!! WISH you were here I miss you I love you XoXo

say what I want to do with the rest of my life..But honest to God---I still have no idea.....How pathetic, I know. AND I know I should be happy having any job, but I so feel that I should be doing more and thats what gets me into trouble.... I think about school a lot.......I think, is that really what I want----been there, failed that. What makes me think it will be any different. I so badly want to do better for my girls,D and myself......but I just don't know what I want. The one thing that D and I have talked about frequently is owning our own business...that would totally rock!! It's gonna take some time and a lot of money...what I have to do is just find a j-o-b and SAVE-SAVE-SAVE!! Who knows maybe we'll win the lotto!!? Yeah, in my dreams. I don't want to feel like a failure anymore......I want to make you proud....I want my girls to be proud of their momma like I am of you....Help me, to not stay knocked down and to hold my head up, once again!!! LOVE you forever and ever MISS you always XoXoXoXo

....a month down here to go......can't wait to be back home! Can't wait to catch up with everyone!! We finally left c-town like we always talked about and financially we got what we wanted....mentally and emotionally it's been hard---REALLY hard.... I realize, this endless need to have you back here with us WILL NEVER GO AWAY..... We all LOVE you FOREVER MISS you 'til we meet again ....Always my momma you'll be XoXoXoXoXoXo

closer and closer...the time for us to move back home----this time we(I) MUST keep our(MY) feet firmly planted on the ground.... Can't wait to get back home! MISS YOU FOREVER XoXoXoXo

....how is life ever gonna be the same. The soul of the family is gone, the "tender heart"..... Though, I never saw it like that when you were here..... You have no idea how ashamed I am.....It's crazy how much you did and how little respect ,appreciation,admiration, you got from me. It sickens me endlessly. I don't know how I'll ever make it up to you. MISS you forever Love you I'll NEVER forget ALL you did!!

I see you in the girls everyday...it's unbelievable! The faces they make--your in there! Just wish you were here to enjoy it......to play under the "tent" with a flashlight and tell scary stories. To have a water fight outside or if it feels right, inside...... Wish I could just talk to you......I miss your input...... LOVE you FOREVER XoXoXoXo .....'til we meet again.....

....one year ago you were taken from us.....it doesn't feel anywhere near the same as it did when you were here....I know now, it NEVER will!! NOT A DAY GOES BY that I don't think of how sorry I am for all the wrong I did to you!! The fact that you are not here to help me heal, makes it damn near impossible for me to.... I miss you all day, everyday....I love you more then you'll ever know.

......last year....you were here.....a week later you were gone from us, FOREVER... MISS you so MUCH!! A heart full of love---A soul full of shame----A moment doesn't go by, that I wish you were here..... XoXo

...makes me think of the "storm" inside....if only I could release it all....maybe I would be a better mother,sister,daughter,friend,lover.............I don't know........I'm all messed up and I have to stop relying on anyone to help me through this life of mine...I've grown so unattached from myself to even feel comfortable with myself....if that makes any sense... Guess I'm just a big baby trapped in an adults body----SUCK IT UP!!! I so badly want to enjoy my life---just not sure how to let everything go... Miss you endlessly Love you forever

....your up there.....wish I could see your smiling face,feel your calming embrace and hear your voice say, I love you so.........only in my head.... I can't believe that you were taken from us---all of the sudden our rock was gone---and we're(at least I am) still stumbling around trying to find our way around.......like the lights have been turned out and we're in the dark trying to find the light. I MISS YOU ENDLESSLY LOVE YOU FOREVER

this is just NOT FAIR!! You so DESERVE to be HERE with US and you so deserved better from me!!! I appreciate ALL that you did for me---AND I wish you were here so I could tell you....I hope you can forgive me....I love you, always will..... I hope you smile down upon us from the heavens...... .....'til we meet again momma ..... I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU FOREVER AND EVER

I'm a stranger with our family......I'm scared that,that is what I've become...... I know I'm the one who left them and it's no one's fault but my own....I just thought that it wouldn't become this chore to remain in contact.....I feel like whenever I call I'm interrupting something important or they have somewhere to go or they just don't answer.....Am I that bad of a person? eeeeh, who cares, it sure seems like they don't....... LOVE you MISS you

Teresa

14 years ago

You certainly don't sound a bad person, people have a habit of being so involved in what is going on in their lives, they have no time for extra, I am sure you have alot of strengh in yourself, you have to voice how you feel to make people aware , if they don't listen atleast you have tried. Don't put yourself down you are who you are be proud you have every right as anyone be happy.

SUNSHINE FOR YOU......

14 years ago

Thank you so much for the kind words and the great advice!! Happy wishes to you too!!

....it will get better.......Right now all I see is, a dead end of sorrow and regret.....I wish with all my heart and soul I could hear your voice on the phone when I dialed home....I want you here....it's as if it were yesterday that you left my life.... I have relived the final hours and weeks of your life over and over and it's still such a shock.....I can't get it out of my mind...it haunts me.... I don't know what is going to happen when we get back home......I just want to be with the one's we love as much as humanly possible and I have to get to work!!! If you were here it would all make sense----but since your not, it's like I'm the piece of the puzzle that got lost under the couch......alone,sad and lost..... LOVE you forever and ever 'til we meet again XoXoXoXoXoXoXoXoXo Always, K Miss you endlessly

Work through this anxiety inside? Constant worry, sadness, fear.....I can't stand it!! Help me momma...help me with guidance I so wish I could have from you right now!!! I miss you so much..... LOVE you forever MISS you greatly

you ROCK your nice Nana sorry about your cansor Love Kelcye I LOVE you

It's so hard...this thing called life.....sometimes the motivation it takes to get out of bed in the morning is too much! There is NOTHING for me here! It's ALL up there! I MISS it ALL sooo MUCH----every minute of everyday!!! Kelc walked in my room earlier with her Power Ranger bucket and said this is to burn for Nana----I said you can't burn the bucket baby---she said not the bucket--whats in it!! So BRIGHT!!! Wish you were here to be amazed!! Dear Nana I miss you so much! Lilly just showed me somethang you rote to her. I love you so so so so so so so much. I have a hole bunch of thangs that are from you. Love Kelcye P.S. Nana you have the most best dauters and sons. WE MISS YOU FOREVER AND A DAY!!! LOVE YOU TO INFINITY AND BACK!!!

....So lost.....there's a part of me that will never be whole. AND it wasn't 'til you were gone from me, from us that I truely see.....I'm so ashamed and disgusted with myself. So selfish and stupid of me. I hope that I don't fail you....my family....I'm so scared.... LOVE you forever and ever and ever MISS YOU ENDLESSLY XoXoXoXoXo

NOT having you around to talk to! I've realized that I need your input. I want it.....but we both know that will never happen...not this lifetime of mine,of ours....I miss you so MUCH!! You were so RIGHT about NC....WHY the f**k didn't I just listen!!? LOVE you forever and always

I was just reading about being left-handed...............and I couldn't STOP thinking of you..............I am so scared of getting myself pumped and then NOTHING. I DO NOT want to work a register for the rest of my life!!! That doesn't make me happy and I know that is all you want! I'm so scared, momma....I fear the same will happen.......No time like the PRESENT!!! LOVE you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever

....it saddens me so, that you are not here.....I would never ever have thought you wouldn't be......NOW, 3 decades of my life have been lived and all I can think about is how I have done nothing to make you proud....I promise you momma with everything I am, that before I see you again I will do all I can to make you proud of me and my life.

without YOU here!! MISS you so much!! Don't want to leave home......love you forever and ever.

...haven't stopped wishing you were HERE!! Everyday is a struggle. ..Tomorrow we go back home. I'm super excited and at the same time so sad....Momma, if there is one thing I have learned from your passing it is, that you are my HERO!! LOVE you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever 'Til we meet again...I promise to make it up to you, then!!!

..I'm sick to my stomach.....tomorrow is your 52nd birthday and your Anniversary....I just don't know what to say or do.....NOW more then ever I want to be home and with our family. I miss you so much....I miss them so much......I can't take this for much longer...I need them so badly, more then they will ever know....I feel so lost and all alone. Once again you were right and I failed you..... Happy Birthday Happy Anniversary LOVE you endlessly MISS you forever

*POOF* they're gone.....on their way back home where I want to be more then ever... There is so much I wish I could change------#1 YOU NOT BEING HERE #2 ME NOT BEING UP THERE!! We should of never left....but we did and now we know, it's not about us not being able to make it financially that is so unbearable, it's not having the one's we love and need, around when ever NEED BE... I LOVE and MISS you FOREVER and EVER NEVER shall it be the same

...the fam' is heading down here as I type....while I am super excited to see them and love them up; I can't stop thinking about how you will not be walking to my door.......I would give it all up for that to come true...... KEEP them safe!! LOVE&MISS YOU FOREVER XoXoXoXoXoXoXo

how many times I can say the same thing...I MISS YOU SO MUCH!! I feel like a broken record....The truth will not set me free...I just don't know what to do.....I ache inside and wonder,"will it ever go away?" FOREVER MISSED LOVED FOREVER

with you,I would tell you how much I love you and miss you. How sorry I am for all that I have done.... It's still so unbelievable and unbearable.... FOREVER in my heart ALWAYS on my mind

to stay strong and not break down and cry..... I keep telling myself that things happen for a reason...But, there is NOT a good enough reason for you to be up there instead of down here, enjoying your kids,grandkids,life........ If you only knew how many times I've wanted to call home and get your advice or a recipe or just hear your voice...... I WANT you HERE so damn BAD, but all I can do is want, I know nothing will ever come of it...... MISS you FOREVER LOVE you ALWAYS

If only I would of listened more....instead of always arguing and disagreeing just to disagree. I can't stand it....the way I was to you.....WHY did you have to go before all the pieces fit together (or at least fit a little better)?..... I wish you were able to tell me it's all right and there will always and forever be tough times but if you just stick with it, you'll see it through... I LOVE YOU I MISS YOU FOREVER

how much I MISS you!!! How MUCH I REGRET, sometimes it's completely unbearable...wish with ALL my heart,soul,mind,body,spirit...with my everything....that I would of seen----what I see now and then just maybe it wouldn't be so hard going on without you...I'm soooooooooo SORRY....miss you with ALL of my heart!

everytime I think of you not being here....I wish I would of done something more then just sit by as it got worse....I wish that I could of taken all the pain away... I'm so lost without you.....If only I would of realized how much I love,need and want you in my life, before it was too late....then maybe it would of all been different...... WHAT IF........

I'll MISS the way you rub my back or run your fingers through my hair... I'll MISS your funny faces and your goofy comments.... I MISS the fact that you'll never see me get married or that you'll never see your grandbabies grow up to be your grandladies... I'll MISS you more then you'll ever know... I MISS you more then I ever thought possible.... MOST of ALL, I'll MISS you not being HERE through it ALL!! LOVE you FOREVER MOMMA May 2008

...there are some days when I think, it's getting easier.......But then I'm swarmed with the reality that it WILL NEVER BE...... I miss you my momma, soo MUCH it hurts....

I can't believe that I was so blind...all that you did...how in the hell did you do it?? I'm having a hard time just managing the girls....I'm thankful for all that you gave and sorry for what you gave up....I'm glad that your out of pain but I'm selfish and I want you HERE!! HERE'S to you,my forever loving momma!!!

I can be by your side when my time has come...then I shall be a happy girl and dream of those times when we no longer worry of the faults and wrongs of life but embrace our time together, FOREVER.....

.....it's the 14th of September.....4 months........wishing you were here and wondering how it will ever be ok without you....... LOVE you MISS you FOREVER & EVER

I'll tell you I love you and how I missed you so.....I'll hug and kiss you.........I'll thank you for all that you gave......I'll apologize for all the rage....ignorance......and selfishness....I'll beg for your forgiveness AND hope that your proud of me..... LOVE YOU MISS YOU FOREVER

Could you PLEASE give the old man a swift kick---you know where----you ALWAYS did!

--------my whole world got turned upside down.....it will NEVER be the same---NEVER!!!

see you in my dreams...I see you(in my mind) every night before I go to bed and all I can think of, is you in that damned bed breathing your last breath's...it haunt's me.......... I deserve it... I just wanna know when I'll see you in my dreams....... LOVE you forever!!!

thinking about you........ The other day,I found this card while I was going through my stuff.....It says, "Dreams are almost always taller than you are.....that way you have to reach to make them come true." Inside it says, "You can do it." Love, Mom Just so we are perfectly clear, you are still WANTED very badly here on earth....every minute of every day..................oooh how I wish dreams really did come true......

.........ALWAYS on our minds..........