Akshay, It has been some number of years since your father called me near midnight to tell me the terrible news. He was out of his mind with shock, and I had to ask him to repeat himself three times what had happened before it slowly sunk in...not really even then. Those days were a blur. But what I remember most about that time was during all the sense-making that we all took part in, an image of you that kept coming back to me. It was around 1995 or 96, and it was the first time I had gone to visit Anil and Daya and their new family. You were out in the front yard, with Anil, throwing a ball or something back and forth. And, I remember so well how you so adored your father. And, I remember so well what a very gentle soul you were, more than anyone I had met before. It was impossible not to like you. And Anil doted on you in those days, and you felt very loved, because you were. I thought Anil and Daya just about had the best little boy in the world.

19, Ak. You should be here. I miss you so you much more than I can explain.

I found out today that Facebook deleted your profile, which made me want to find some way to keep talking to you. I think that might be life's way of telling me to move on, especially since it's been almost 4 years since one of the saddest days of my life, the day you died. But the memories I had with you, though not profound, make it impossible for me to ever move on. We never had any deep bonding moments, but even just talking to you and making jokes, & the laughs and smiles that you gave everyone around you were moments that I will cherish forever. I can't say I remember the exact details of our conversations, but I remember always that whenever I was talking to you, I felt happier and always left with a smile and/or walked away still laughing thinking about something you said. I keep convincing myself that I have moved on, but now the smiles and laughs that came whenever I was hanging out with you are combined with the sadness that is knowing that I can't have more of those moments with you. I will miss you forever buddy, Rest in Peace.

It doesn't end with an abrupt twist of fate. Even it does invoke a feeling of resentment and hate. As much as we want Life to be a series in a picture perfect spate It does bring in severe moments of bate But, it is never too late.. Just look up and think hard as life were a clean slate. And, you realize that nothing never really ends Despite all its twirls and bends..We can still make amends, There is hope and comfort in family and friends, Life always is meaningful and beautiful, In the presence and memories of our loved ones ”For the lack of purpose or want of a meaning, Don’t ever Sigh..Fight, Even if you don’t know for who or why, We live not just in our selves, but in the realm of the souls, And souls live on..Even if it is far and high Often, it’s not just for you that you are fighting”.

Hey, you. I hope, wherever you are, that you're proud of me. I want that with all my heart. But, i need your help every once in a while. Be there for me, please? You were the best thing in the world, Ak. And you made my childhood, and I wouldn't have wanted my life to be any different than what it is today. I'm so lucky to have been your sister. You made us the family we were meant to be. I love you always, Ak. Never forget that. Missing you more and more everyday. My solace is knowing that wherever you are, you're at peace.

There was a dream that I had about a year ago that brought me, if not closure, a peace of mind. --- I was sitting in a crowded movie theater, scanning the crowd for familiar heads/faces, when I saw you. I knew that you had been gone for two years now, and though to a lesser certainty I also knew that I had to have been dreaming. Yet for some reason there was an immediate sense of opportunity; this was my chance to communicate with you, however unlikely your representation in my mind was indeed actually you. I approached you. You were cold. Not unresponsive; that would have detracted from the realness with which you were portrayed; in fact, I heard your voice and I recognized your mannerisms, whatever my fading recollection of those may be. You sounded angry and your words were a rant against our hometown, against their preconceptions of suicide, of death, of what you did, of what you felt. I recall not what I had actually asked you or what had prompted your response. Then you stormed off, through the movie theater’s emergency exit; naturally I followed, but you were far ahead and I could not catch up. We somehow found ourselves now in the familiar Fox Meadow Elementary School playground, and you eventually disappeared into a trail of woods. It was then that I gave up on your pursuit and shortly after woke up. --- I am in little position to interpret dreams with any sort of authority, but I think it was really me doing the shouting and ranting in the movie theater and perhaps even the fleeing into the woods. For two long years, Akshay, I was upset. It was less about what you did, however, and more about why you did it; rather, I vehemently disagreed with the agreed-upon notions of why you chose to take your life. That may seem trivial to anyone else reading this, but I felt such a sick comfort in feeling that I was one of the few who truly understood you. I knew loneliness deeply, both recently before and after your death. I was always skeptical of the societal tenets held pertaining to the value of life; I saw life as wisely disposable, though I was certainly extremely distraught from the sheer fact that you had died. I couldn’t claim to have been suicidal but I was depressed and it strengthened my hatred for people who could not comprehend how painful life could be. Furthermore, I was so compelled to draw a mental parallel between us, feeling that I would be able to carry you in spirit and also bring myself closer to you than anyone else was or would ever get. I think my dream about you revealed that, beneath this supposed understanding of what had happened inside your head, was just my own selfishness and guilt. In reality, Akshay, we were never great friends, only acquaintances who probably could have been closer but never developed that connection. --- My chronological recollection of our most memorable interactions made me realize how guilty I felt without even realizing it. I have such a curiously profound memory of us being in a 5th grade yearbook picture standing next to each other, mostly because of our preceding conversation. It was nothing much but we agreed that neither of us was to smile. It was silly but I felt defiant, and at the time I don’t know if I recognized anyone else other than you who found such satisfaction in what was such a small gesture. I feel that through our middle school years I both found the small victories essential because I enjoyed little else socially. Again, my impulse was and to some degree still is to consider you under the same mental and social scope, though we were never good friends. I remember our fleeting discussions over RuneScape, which at the time consumed me and now I can hardly comprehend why. In eighth grade, I remember having an admiration for your desire to get stronger when I ran into you at a boxing class, in which neither of us seemed fit. Around the same time the guiltier memories emerge. In 8th grade Tech class you were left to work on your group’s project by yourself; I was in another group that was well-off and instead of helping you I simply lamented while slacking off myself. 9th grade Spanish class is probably the most difficult for me to accept now as Cullen and I had undertaken a playful but exclusive game of odd-man-out where we generally took the front two seats before you could snag one of them and sit next to either of us. The few times you did I remember enjoying your company; once I even went to sit down with you, but that did not end the seating game. And then I recognized your progressively noticeable sadness and reclusiveness in school but didn’t say anything about it. And then you died, and your history and our history was over. --- With years of random interaction, I never really got to know you all that well. I can’t say I made you up to be someone with a more intelligent outlook (nor can I qualify what constitutes an intelligent outlook on the meaning of life) than I knew you to have, but I can say that I made you up, to some extent, after you died. I made you up to be someone who should have been my best friend, as someone with whom I consistently developed a friendship throughout the years. But that wasn’t you and I will never know you, Akshay. For me to impose ludicrous imaginings on what actually was there of your memory was selfish, possibly disrespectful. Disillusionment brought me comfort but never long-term comfort or closure. I needed someone who saw what I saw, only that I never knew what you saw and even if I did, your death just made me the sadder because of how much closer I felt to you for those reasons. I understood for the first time, having dreamt about you, that I was making you up ever since you died. I still think that your death has offered me invaluable lessons, though I am reluctant to declare them in a post that would suggest that my mind has reached some sort of conclusion or agreement with those lessons. I have not been depressed for years. Lonely, sure, and sad, absolutely, but I’ve also had the happiest year overall in my life. I’ve learned love for the first time and hope to retain that consistency of love for the duration for my life, though at the same time I recognize that I’m 18 and, though years removed from my freshman year in high school when you died, have a ton more lessons to learn over the course of life. I still vacillate on what life truly means, occasionally revisiting the idea that life is meaningless and for those simply intimidated by the unknowns of death, though not with the same dark spirit that would look at that idea with anything other than an intellectual mindset. Then I look at the more inherent biological reasons of reproduction and love and these reasons, of which I was so cynical in the months immediately following you death, finally hold true stock in my mind. Then I think of what you saw in life. If there’s one thing that I still hold onto, it’s the belief that you died because you really didn’t want to live. It wasn’t a cry for help, or even an impulsive response to stress, but rather a result of a series of logical thoughts that determined that life, in the long-run, was not worth it. But it is only up to that point that I wish to interpret anything at all about you, and that I fully intend out of respect for you and your death, whether I or anyone else who knew you agrees with it or not. You were a bright kid and I at least knew that much about you. I’m sorry for having ever for making the same mistake, if not worse, that our peers made immediately following your death: I made assumptions. I admired you for so long but with my dream I realized that it wasn’t you who I admired; it was myself, and that artificial admiration was destructive to me and to your memory. --- I now only wish offer you my gratitude for these constantly-evolving lessons. Though they lack an end, by accepting their beneficial nature without perverting the source from which they came my mind is at peace with the matter. I used to think that it was selfish to appreciate your death; now I know that what you have done for me, let alone hundreds of others, is as much as any individual can accomplish with his/her life. I will never forget you and will always love you. Tyler Foote

You might not remember me, but my name is Maya Menon and I was your cousin. I want you to know that I spent a few years of my life in therapy because of your death. I felt as if it was somehow my fault that you died, if Uncle Ajay and Auntie Kris, as well as Jason and I, had only been in touch with you more that maybe you could've had a change of heart. But now I know that you are looking down on me from heaven and as well on your baby sister Anjeli. I want you to know that I loved you and I only wish I could have known you more than just a picture of your cousins and you in a little red car at a mall... God Bless You -Maya S. Menon

Hello to you all the friends of Akshay. .. after long there is some good news from Akshay's family, his family has been blessed with a little angel..

Dear Akshay!! Its been two years since you left us all on that fateful day. And ever since, not a single day has passed without you being invoked or remembered by your loving Mom, doting father, Adorable Little Sister and others. Know that all of those who knew you will forever remember you for all the great moments you shared with them and will forever love you for what you were, a bright kid blessed with a lot of talents and skills and an extraordinary human with a heart of gold and a beautiful soul who despite all..left us all ..so early, even before you could realize what your true potential was? You had great potential..and would have fulfilled a lot of dreams and aspirations, of not only yours.. but also your family's and of your well wishers, who were plenty. Every one wanted you to do great in life and grow up to be a fine young man who had so much joy and positivity to offer and so many accolades to be attained.But, alas!!! The little boy who was growing up to be a gentleman, Was to be snatched away before his true life began, For all the potential he had to be a successful man, Fate and Destiny had a heinous plan, it took you away in such a short span.The real big dreams ended, even before they began! you wouldn't realize how much poorer our lives have become without you!! And how much of an emptiness you have left in the hearts of Mom, Dad, Sister and your family, friends and relatives. But, we know, you are in God's realm and are being taken care of!! Just pray and hope God fills your Mom's, Dad's, Sister's and all the others' hearts with enough strength , courage and resource to carry them through..For Life is not the same for them without you!! If not in any physical right, Do stay with them in the spirit of your soul's might. Though their Lives and hearts have a deep hole, please exist in your imperishable soul, and in our memories, you will forever be part of the whole. Thank you Akshay for your loving, caring and joyful moments..you continue to live in our memories!! we know that the flame of your soul forever burns bright, may it lead us through the darkness as our true light! God Bless you!! Rest in Peace...Akshu! We all Love you and will always care for you! Arjun.

Hello / Namaste!! To all of Akshay Menon's friends, I am one of Akshay's unknown friends'. And I want to say a big THANK YOU to all!!! For keeping his memories alive!! He may no longer be there in person amongst us, but as a great soul with a greater Spirit, he shall continue to live on, in all our memories and on this day when he was born 15 years ago, let us remember him and rejoice the fact that we had our own great moments with him and cherish the fond memories that each one of us have of him and share one attribute that we found the best in him and also the one attribute that we found not so good in Him!! I know most of us still feel a sense of betrayal from him, and feel that he could have done otherwise!!! But he had the guts to do it!!! None of us had the power to stop him and do not still have the power to undo that. And....not many of us realize, That it was the same sense of Betrayal from us (Maybe all of us) that forced or prompted Akshay (CAM) into taking this extreme step!! He took the step because he felt hope less...Hope less meaning none who could give him the hope to Live on!!! But, now all of us have the power to do something about the whole emotional face-off!! The power to invoke his spirit/Soul to even things out or at least come to terms with our own failure!! So let’s regroup!! Its not about the blame game anymore. Its time for reconciliation!!! What we didn't do when he expected the most from us. Let’s do it now!! And our gift and tribute to him is going to be this celebration of his 15th Birthday!! Let’s celebrate it for Akshay with tonnes and tonnes of unconditional love, the unerring support, the infallible companionship, the absolute sense of security and the most important thing, the purpose and courage to live on. Imagine this, He felt lonely and helpless, despite living amongst all of us (We may have failed then.)But he left alone...MAYBE he needs us now more than before...So lets join and pay our tribute in the most lively and beautiful way we can!!! And all of us who felt any particular feeling at that point, when he left…..Let’s relive the moment and face it with all our resourcefulness and courage and give him what we feel we should have!!! And forgive him for letting us down and Request him earnestly to forgive us for letting him down!! Let’s give him a moment of silence and see if we can hear him say sorry or let him hear our sorry!!! And then lets all thank him for everything he gave to us!!!! And I'm sure like me... most or all of us would have taken more from him than what we gave him!!! And about his Family!!! (PLEASE LETS NOT FORGET HIS MOM, DAD and kid SISTER) they are Akshays extension and so we shall all extend the same feeling and all the support and love they need to them, on this occasion and make it a little special for them… Though nothing can replace Akshay their son/ brother or our friend!!! At least this gesture may bring in some meaning!!! Pass on one beautiful moment from your time with Akshay to his mom...which will definitely make her feel good.. I can forward it to her,,, My name is arjun and I’m from Bangalore (India). My email id is - arjundgun@yahoo.com And his mother's email id is- dayac@yahoo.com

Let’s forgive him for letting us down and Request him to forgive us for letting him down!! ! Tonnes of Love and unconditional support!!

I also can't believe you are gone, I coudn't take in the news that this had happened. Rest in Peace C.A.M... You were a good friend on bz and I will miss you. My prays go out to his family and friends.

man.. I can't believe you're gone cam. From when I first heard what had happened, I couldn't even sleep at night. I couldn't get over the fact that I was talking to you the day before you were gone. I'll miss you man, I seriously wish there were a way I could have helped you, and gotten you through whatever depression you were going through.You were a good guy, and also a fellow New Yorker (like me). My condolences go out to the family at this hollow state of mourning.

man.. I can't believe you're gone cam. From when I first heard what had happened, I couldn't even sleep at night. I couldn't get over the fact that I was talking to you the day before you were gone. I'll miss you man, I seriously wish there were a way I could have helped you, and gotten you through whatever depression you were going through.You were a good guy, and also a fellow New Yorker (like me). My condolences go out to the family at this hollow state of mourning.

I also played BZFlag with him.... I cant belive it :( Rest in peace bro, u were good :'(.. we will miss you!

I also played BZFlag with him.... I cant belive it :( Rest in peace bro, u were good :'(.. we will miss you!

We had fun together.. you were a BZ friend an a good BZ player too. You were well-known and well-liked by many. We will always remember you.. we will always miss you. Rest in peace Cammy.

I played an online games call BZFLAG with Akshay. Great guy, easy going, a good sport. CAM, we will all miss you. Rest in peace.

Unfortunate loss! We'll miss you Akshay.