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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

Hey honey, Was just sitting here chatting on the phone when the landlord decided to rear his ugly head. I had to tell him what happened. Talk about an uncomfortable situation when someone you don't even really know tries to send his sympathies. Can you say Awkward??!! Otherwise it was a pretty decent day. I held my head up today and was doing pretty good for the most part until that little visit. We will be going to Philly on Sunday afternoon. I know you will be with me when I visit with Angie. She misses you so much honey. Everyone keeps telling me it gets easier but it really is just getting harder and harder to bear. I think of you all the time. I can't get you out of my head. I know you were here last night with us when the microwave went funky and freaked Bekka out. I know you had something to do with that since you were always one for messing with her! LOL I try to smile as much as I can because I know that is the way you want it. I have a slideshow screensaver of just you and whenever it comes up and I see your smiling face I can't help but smile and feel sad at the same time. You are such a handsome man baby. Probably the best I will ever have. You were always so worried about looking good for me like I was some prize. The real truth is you were too good for me. You were handsome, caring and had a great personality. Everyone loved you and you could have chosen anyone to be with yet you chose me. Still scratching my head on that one. I love you baby. Think I may turn in early tonight as I am just not myself now. I love you. I miss you! My guy!! Kisszzzzzzzzzzz & Hugzzzz

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

Hi honey, Just sitting here listening to music and thinking of you. Miss dancing with you in the middle of the house. Had a pretty good night at work. Was pretty busy tonight and I did fairly well. Not like we would have in Philly but it works for me. Tomorrow we are going to head down to Philly for a little while. That drive always reminds me of you. How we used to have to stop every half hour or so. All the sites and places you wanted to visit and we had planned to see. It can be really hard sometimes. I will stop by and say hi to everyone as much as I can while I'm down there. I know you wouldn't want us to go down there and not stop by to see anyone. I love you so much. I sometimes think the pain of you not being here gets worse with each passing day instead of improving. I see you in my dreams and love to be there with you. Everything seems so real. Unfortunately I have to wake up from those dreams and come back to reality. Honey, I hate reality! I want to be with you! I miss you more than anything. I look forward to the day when we are reunited. Although I know that will most likely not be anytime soon as I have to many things here on this crappy planet that I must do. I look forward to sleeping just so I can be joined with you. Wish I could just sleep all the time but that isn't an option either. I know you are with me during those times when I am awake and I'm sure there are probably many people around here who think I am completely loony because I talk to what appears to be myself sometimes. I was thinking today how I can not really be myself out here like I could in Philly. I know you know what I mean. I don't want to have to continue hiding who I truly am. I know you wouldn't want that for me either. I know you want me smiling so I am working on what I have to in order to ensure that for you. Everything we had talked about is still in effect and I plan on doing all of it. I love you baby. Miss you! Hugzzzzzzzzzz and Kisszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Goodnight.

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

I know you already know because I talked to you about it earlier. Today was a real rough night for me. I just don't know what to do. There is so much I want to do and the only thing holding me from it is money. You know, The usual. I miss you so much and the more people talk about you to me the more lost and alone I feel. I just wish you were with me. Everything is so different without you around. Nothing seems fun anymore. I just want to be happy again, like I was when you were here. I know you hate to see me upset. I want to smile for you again. I just can't seem to do it out here. Everything is just so wrong right now. All the "What Ifs" that go through my head don't seem to want to subside. All the what ifs that might have kept you here with me. I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes, crying because I am reliving that awful night you were taken away from me. I wonder if you are still with me. I wonder where my life is going. What the point to being here is without you. I miss you so much baby. I write you whenever I can and it's so hard baby. It's so hard to write these letters to you because I always cry. I just want you back. This is so unfair. I finally found real love. I finally found someone who loved me for who I was and could see potential in me. You were so uplifting to me. Always making me feel like I was important. I need you honey. I love you and miss you so much. I talk to you all the time. I dream of you and those dreams just seem to real that I don't want to wake because I am with you. If I could sleep all the time I would just to be by your side again. To hear your laugh again. To see that wonderful smile just one more time. I love you honey, my guy. I'm your girl and I belong with you. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I love you. I need to get some rest. I'll see you in my dreams baby. I love you always.

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

Hello baby, Just another lonely night here at home. It's raining again as usual. Was just sitting here thinking of you and thought I would write my normal nightly letter to ya. We have been really missing Philly lately and the kids and I are thinking about saving up to go back eventually. We came up here as a family looking to start fresh. I know if the shoe were on the other foot and you lost me that you would most likely go back to Philly as well. I'm not sure if we definitely are right now but we have talked about it. It's so lonely up here without you. You were always there to keep us going. Now with you not here it seems like we are all just giving up. I don't want that to happen and I know you don't want that either. I know you just want us all happy and I also know that you would want me smiling. You always hated when I wasn't smiling. I remember you poking me unexpectedly when we would be in the car just to get me to smile. Sometimes I wasn't even frowning just kinda zoned out and you would poke me to get me smiling. You would give me that silly wave of yours and I would always bust out laughing. I think of you all the time baby. I miss you so much. The kids miss you. Jareth sounds more and more like you every day! He comes up with some of the most random things and they immediately remind me of something you would say. We have all decided that without you here this place is just weird and kinda creepy. Without you here things aren't quite right. I know you will be with us where ever we are. I love you so much honey. I wish you could just yell out what we should do. Maybe that would make everything easier. I always trusted in every decision you made and knew that together we could make it work. Now it's just me and making this place work is much harder alone. I love you honey. Miss you sooo much. Miss you more and more each day. Sometimes I wish I could just be with you but I know that isn't possible right now. I also know that one day we will be reunited and be able to be happy like we were. You were just taken away so early. It just wasn't right. You had so much more love to give. We had so much more love to give to you! You finally found what you had been looking for only to have you taken in the midst of it. It's just not fair. I know you are around watching over us and helping us with our decisions. I love you honey. I need to get some sleep so I will write to you again tomorrow. Luvzzz and Hugzzzzz Your girl forever!

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

Honey, I'm so lost and alone out here. We came out here to start a new life for ourselves. For our family. Now you are gone and I am out here with no one to talk to. It gets so lonely here. I miss Philly and all of our friends so much. I want to go home baby but I don't want you to be disappointed that I'm not sticking to the original plan. I'll never find another like you. No one is even close in comparison in this neck of the woods. Your Spontaneity (SP?) your humor, Your love for music, and so much more. The people out here are so much different. I remember you saying that we were outsiders here. I really feel like one now. With you not being here I feel almost like an alien! No one to talk to. The only adult interaction I get is at work and thats with people that are alot older than we are. I just miss home. The house is weird without you here. The sounds of the night of your accident ring through my head sometimes when I am sound asleep. I sit straight up in bed and just start crying. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I need your help baby. I need you here with me to help me through all of this. I need to know what to do. I'm just so confused right now as to what to do. I love you so much and miss you. I want to hear your voice in the worst way. Even if it's just in a dream I can remember. I need to be able to see you, again even if it's just in that dream. If I could do this then I think I would be better able to cope with all this. Knowing that I can see, feel and talk to you in a dream. That would make it all the easier because then I won't feel like you are completely gone. I get inklings sometimes that you are here but they just aren't enough. I love you, I want to be with you, I'm your girl. I miss you.

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

There is no doubt in my mind that our love exceeds all boundaries baby. Even though you are gone I still feel as though you are here with me. I know not in the flesh but in spirit. I think of what you wanted for us and these are the things that keep me moving. I know what you wanted for us as a family and will fulfill all that we have talked about. I woke up last night in tears. The sounds I heard that night rang through my head and woke me from a sound sleep. Almost as though I was reliving the entire experience. Everyone tells me that there is a reason, I don't know what that reason is. I may never know. It bothers me to not know. My brain just can't seem to grasp the whole concept of you being gone. My heart tells me that you are not. I see you in my dreams and they seem so real. As though I am standing there with you. I see you sometimes walking through the house and I talk to you like you are actually there. Am I losing my marbles?? I always tell you "Honey, I'm home!" Whenever I come in and there is never a response. I drive down those roads that we traveled everyday to and from work or to the store and can almost see you sitting next to me in the car fiddling with the radio trying to find a good station. I flip the station and your song is on. The one you used to sing to me. You know the one. Sometimes it's almost unbearable to even turn the radio on as I hear a song that reminds me of you but I just can't seem to turn it off. I feel myself starting to slip back into that depression I was in way back and then one of those songs come on and it's like I am picked right back up just from hearing it. Like you put it on that radio for me to hear. There you are whipping me back into where I am supposed to be at that time. I love you honey. I miss you. I can't seem to get you out of my mind. Words can not express my love for you. I know you were aware of how much I loved you and I know you felt the same for me. There are times that I think maybe you didn't really know how much you meant to me. I know you knew. I also know that the love you had for me matched or exceeded the love that I have for you. No one can ever take any of that away. You will always be "My Guy" just as I will always be "Your Girl". That is how you wanted it and that is how it shall always be. Goodnight baby. I love you.

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

Hi baby, went back to work today for the first time since you have been gone. Thought it would be great to get out of the house for a little while. It actually went really well but many of the customers asked about you and asked how I was doing. So many comments on your work ethic and what a nice guy you were. Richard even told me he had our burger creation a couple days after your accident and talked to you. Honey, even the girl in the gas station remembered you and asked how I was holding up! You have no idea what an impact you made on people. I miss you so much and I just want to be with you so badly. I know I will never find another like you. I know you are here, keeping me warm at night. Seems like whenever I say I am cold I miraculously get warm like someone (Gee, I wonder who) is wrapping around me to keep me warm. I love you and miss you so much. We are getting by and I know things will get better. I know you are around making sure everything goes the way its supposed to. I love you honey, don't ever leave my side! I need you now more than ever before. I miss you!

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

Honey, the longer you are gone the harder it is to bear. I feel so alone here. No one to talk to at night. No one to clown around with after the kids are asleep. No one to just sit with and cuddle and talk about anything and everything. I miss your touch, the sound of your voice, your wonderful laugh and your awesome sense of humor. I know we were meant to find each other as we had habits of bringing out the best in each other. We empowered each other and gave each other the confidence we needed to move on in life and dream big things. I want to accomplish all the things that we both talked about and dream of doing. There is just so much to do and sometimes I wonder where I even start. You were the one who could always give me that little extra push I needed to get me moving. I miss you so much and just hope that you are still with me. I know that in the next life we will meet again. I do hope that next time our time together is a lot longer than it was this time. I love you baby. I always will!

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

Hey honey, I feel comfortable writing to you every day just to tell you how things are going. Not much going on today. Been thinking about you every minute. Went to the Walmart for some stuff and felt like a zombie without you there being your silly self. The girls in my bank asked about you. They were shocked to hear about it. Came home and talked to Lou for a while today and just reminisced about all the silly and funny things you did and how sometimes you acted like a big kid. I meant to tell you that Hopie was telling me how much she missed you when she was here the other day. She told me how she missed dying easter eggs with you and even remembered that you dyed all yours blue. LOL I love you so much and miss you. I know now that you are in a place where you can do all those things you told me you wanted to accomplish. I know you are with me to protect me and guide me to do the things we had planned to make a better life for all of us. You'll always be in my heart forever and even though I was only your fiance I feel that if you were still here we would grow old and silly together. It's late and I need to get up in the morning with the kids. Hugs and Kisses baby. I love you!

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

Venus passed away today. In roughly about the same spot you did. We know she is with you. We went to take Krystal and all home and came back to the kitchen cabinet open and stuff strewn all over the kitchen floor. We know we have to clean up baby. We're getting to it I promise! We know your here and we love you sooooooooooo much it hurts. I'm still in some strange twilight zone episode. Still hoping to wake up in your arms. I hope when my time comes you are there waiting for me so that we can spend eternity together. I love you more than anything and miss you.

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

Hi baby, was just thinking about you and wish you would talk to me. Last night Krystal smelled a hint of your cologne go by her in our bedroom. Sometime today Bekka smelled your Tommy lotion pass by. We know you are here with us but I have to ask, Was it you that tied the bathroom curtains this morning? No one here could seem to figure out how it was done. I even asked Jareth and his response was "Mom, I have trouble tying my shoes so how could I have done it?" LOL You know Jareth, always has a good answer. The dining room curtain was also pulled partially open. I know how much you like the sunlight shining in the house so I am assuming you did it. I miss you so much. Everything reminds me of you. I haven't moved anything of yours and have no intentions of doing so. I just wish I could be the one to smell you pass by. I'm going to start working on our plan probably either tomorrow or monday. I started to look at what you had already done but it looks really confusing. I'll do the best I can with it though. I'll read until I get it. I just wish you were here to help me. I know you said that the first part was almost finished but you wrote about the second part as well. I have nothing on the second half. I'll see what I can do. We will have that 27 1/2 room house. If it takes me till the day I join you then so be it. I'll be sure to hire the maids as well. :) Hope to hear or feel you soon. Love you forever!

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Traci Marie Curtis
14 years ago

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Traci Marie Curtis
14 years ago

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

Went to Philly today like you originally had planned. Forgot to take Angie's drivers for her sound but I was more concerned with making sure she was ok. She is doing good considering the circumstances. The ride to and from was excruciating without you. Certain songs came on the radio and I just couldn't help from crying. We stopped by Vandike Street and I told Jimmy and Mary. Jimmy didn't take it to well. Mary helped me quite a bit and made me feel a bit better. I'm home now and missing you dearly. Just took a handful of stuff to try and keep my head together but I just miss you so much I don't know what to do. I know I must continue with everything we had planned and I plan on doing so. There are many trying to get in the way. I know you know what I am talking about. I know you are here with me. Please help keep me strong. Oh and I stopped by Village Towne today and dropped off the menus I had done. Everyone there was very upset. I was bombarded with hugs and terms of sympathy. You are dearly missed by everyone there as well. Honey, You had so many people that cared for you. I don't think you even know the half of it. Just please stay with me and keep me strong. The kids know you are here as well and they miss you so badly. It's hard for all of us to stay strong. We all loved you so very much. I need to try and get some sleep for now. I love you always!

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Colleen
14 years ago

I never got the pleasure of meeting the man who brought so many smiles to my favorite niece, each picture she posted made me smile because I know she loved you, may your memories as brief as they may have been , comfort her and the kids, and make them smile when they think of you

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Traci Marie Curtis
14 years ago

Smiles & Hugs, Mike ... I'll Remember All The Times That Were Filled With Fun & Laughter ... God's Good Blessings, Sweetie ... :)

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shirley mcgoldrick
14 years ago

Never got to meet Mike in person. Was looking forward to meeting him next summer. I know he was a great guy because he treated Tina and the kids the way a husband and father should treat his family. He was loved, is loved and will be dearly missed. Now he is an angel looking over his family forever.

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Jonathan Williams
14 years ago

I had the pleasure of meeting Mike during my Birthday and he was a great guy to hang out with, shoot the crap (OMG they have sensors on this! LOL), and drink a beer with. It was a huge shock to hear about his passing. He will be missed, but never forgotten, my prayers are with you guys Tina, and I am here for you and the kids. Jon

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angie
14 years ago

mike has been special me since the day I met him.he confided in me and trustede as a true friend..I will miss him very much love you.....angie koenig means king in german

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

Baby, I love you so much. It hurts so bad not having you here. I miss waking up in your arms or when we were getting ready for bed you saying "Get over here woman." I know how much you enjoyed me running my fingers through your hair, rubbing you beautiful muscles, and scratching your back in just the right spot. I still hear you tell me as we lay together at night how good it feels. Just to be next to each other. I'm trying to make all the phone calls and everything that need to be made. Turned off the air conditioner and fans before we left the house. The silence was just unbearable. We're going home tonight and I'm hoping I feel you laying in bed next to me. I love you, I'll talk to you later honey.

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Rebekka
14 years ago

mike was the biggest father to me than anyone. he made a better father than my own. im going to miss him more than ever. from watching him play resident evil for hours to just talking to him. he was an amazing person and he will be missed by many. i love you mike.

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linda lux driscoll
14 years ago

im sorry i didnt get a chance to meet you but i know you were a great man to tina and her kids..RIP and im sure that you will be looking over them..you are the brightest star in the sky shineing down on tina and her kids....

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Rainey
14 years ago

ah the memories... Being picked up with Aud, Tina,Mike and Lou.. we all had a ton of fun at the B&B... oh the ton of jello shots we had that night we all had a blast!!!..i think this one is the best of the bunch and just makes me laugh everytime i think about it...Will miss you Very much !!! Sincerely .. Rainey

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Tina McGoldrick
14 years ago

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