It was a wednesday-4:50am boeta came into our room and whispered to us- voice trembling "ma is gone" who knew those three simple words would shatter our souls...who knew it would demolish our lives! That memory...the emotions...the loss, we endure everyday...suffering silently...but suffering nevertheless! Today marks 18yrs...18yrs without u...18yrs we survived! My heart stopped beating right that wednesday its never quite been the same..nothing has! So much u missed out on...I only make dua u have been able to see! How is it that I am still alive? Surely the overwhelming pain should have killed me! Only one reason I can think of ...its because of Allah swt love! His arms kept me up when I had no strength to stand- pushed me when my legs wouldn't carry me...Loved me -even when I hated him. and when I rejected him he held onto me tighter than ever- never letting go! U are in me ma..my blood, my heart...my soul! Your strength courses through my veins...on somedays I just cry...but its okay u are my mother who I miss and love dearly...so. I cry! But I am Alive shukr to Allah! I know I am never truly without u...but I also know that Allah swt is always with me...jst like u taught me! I treasure our times we shared and insha Allah swt show us mercy and reunite us...until then there are no words to describe how much I need u and love u..my hero..my inspiration love infinity! Till we meet again! SS 14june2012

9 years ago

My name is Fify, I viewed your profile today at (respectance) And i will like to have a communication with you,so that we can get to know each other better,Write me back through my email for more about me and my picture. (fify24me@yahoo.com).

18years have passed, Seems like a lifetime Infact, It is the good half of mine. It is the half in which I had you, Where my days were filled with unconditional love and support. Even the craziest of my dreams, I would hear you say “why Not” You were always there… Ready for anything … Always there…breakfast, lunch and supper. We would rush home from school knowing you there waiting, with arms open wide ,welcoming us home and thanking God its in one piece! I remember in those days how easy sleep came after you placed your hands on our heads and prayed to God for our safety. As I listened to you plead for our health and happiness, I have never felt safer …it’s as if God Almighty himself had placed his hand on my forehead! And then you were GONE! And all that wonderful, warm light that was our safe and sheltered life was swallowed and shattered by the darkest of darks! Nothing made sense. Pain overwhelming, Anger almost destroying, the very foundation of your lessons taught with love! In these dark and empty days, I felt like you and God had abandoned me! “What kind of cruel God would rip a mother away from her young children, when they already had no father?” Questions like these drove me insane. I got sucked in…disappeared…lost myself, in this blurred haze, which was my so called life. In these crazy days…drugged up existence, I lived my worst fears….not remembering you! Every memory of you was distorted…your face unrecognizable…and this drove me over the edge! But in all this riotous silence I heard your voice…and I felt your hands reach into the darkness and drag me into the light, enveloping me in your embrace …holding me tightly against your bossom. Your voice reminding me “I am your mother! I will always be hre and here!” as you point to my head and my heart….gone so long, but never forgotten! 18 years since I had the privilege of looking at you, but the image of you still so fresh as if I had seen and touched your face just yesterday. From the perfect shaped eyebrows and the sharp bridge and tip of your nose, to the mole below it! Your ivory skin contrasted against the pitch black of your hair…flowing like silk, down to your back. I relive every conversation and little things you said, which back then I could not relate to, but now I treasure! All the tiny bits of advice seemed then to mature; now all makes perfect sense! It’s as if you knew, you wouldn’t be around all our lives…and went about preparing us for that time…a life...without you! Gone so long …but never forgotten! I know now after everything experienced…the good and the bad…you have never really been gone… you have always been here with me. In simple decisions, I hear your opinion…in the more difficult ones…I ask myself “how would mommy handle this?” Your character and strength has always been an inspiration to me and it remains my ultimate goal. I aspire to be just like you…you are my hero! Independent, free-thinking, Self-sufficient…faith so strong…one whole individual, not needing anyone to define me! And when God blesses me with a child, I pray I can instill the same values with respect and love! Mommy I thank you….I thank you for the woman I am today…and for everything! You remain alive in our hearts …and even if fifty years passes us by …you hold the most influence in my life! Gone so long…but never forgotten! I love you mommy and hope I make you proud! Shaakiera Schroeder <29/03/10>

18years have passed, Seems like a lifetime Infact, It is the good half of mine. It is the half in which I had you, Where my days were filled with unconditional love and support. Even the craziest of my dreams, I would hear you say “why Not” You were always there… Ready for anything … Always there…breakfast, lunch and supper. We would rush home from school knowing you there waiting, with arms open wide ,welcoming us home and thanking God its in one piece! I remember in those days how easy sleep came after you placed your hands on our heads and prayed to God for our safety. As I listened to you plead for our health and happiness, I have never felt safer …it’s as if God Almighty himself had placed his hand on my forehead! And then you were GONE! And all that wonderful, warm light that was our safe and sheltered life was swallowed and shattered by the darkest of darks! Nothing made sense. Pain overwhelming, Anger almost destroying, the very foundation of your lessons taught with love! In these dark and empty days, I felt like you and God had abandoned me! “What kind of cruel God would rip a mother away from her young children, when they already had no father?” Questions like these drove me insane. I got sucked in…disappeared…lost myself, in this blurred haze, which was my so called life. In these crazy days…drugged up existence, I lived my worst fears….not remembering you! Every memory of you was distorted…your face unrecognizable…and this drove me over the edge! But in all this riotous silence I heard your voice…and I felt your hands reach into the darkness and drag me into the light, enveloping me in your embrace …holding me tightly against your bossom. Your voice reminding me “I am your mother! I will always be hre and here!” as you point to my head and my heart….gone so long, but never forgotten! 18 years since I had the privilege of looking at you, but the image of you still so fresh as if I had seen and touched your face just yesterday. From the perfect shaped eyebrows and the sharp bridge and tip of your nose, to the mole below it! Your ivory skin contrasted against the pitch black of your hair…flowing like silk, down to your back. I relive every conversation and little things you said, which back then I could not relate to, but now I treasure! All the tiny bits of advice seemed then to mature; now all makes perfect sense! It’s as if you knew, you wouldn’t be around all our lives…and went about preparing us for that time…a life...without you! Gone so long …but never forgotten! I know now after everything experienced…the good and the bad…you have never really been gone… you have always been here with me. In simple decisions, I hear your opinion…in the more difficult ones…I ask myself “how would mommy handle this?” Your character and strength has always been an inspiration to me and it remains my ultimate goal. I aspire to be just like you…you are my hero! Independent, free-thinking, Self-sufficient…faith so strong…one whole individual, not needing anyone to define me! And when God blesses me with a child, I pray I can instill the same values with respect and love! Mommy I thank you….I thank you for the woman I am today…and for everything! You remain alive in our hearts …and even if fifty years passes us by …you hold the most influence in my life! Gone so long…but never forgotten! I love you mommy and hope I make you proud! Shaakiera Schroeder <29/03/10>