Memories of Erika H Odermatt-Patton (14)

Erika as you know today is mom's birthday. Like you she died of infection bad doctors
and as I stood there in non belief that mom was taking her last breath you were there with me. Both covered with gowns and our mouth covered. For what reason?? I know you hated it but worn it anyway and stood with me as strong as you always are while mom passed away. You kept saying Hail Mary Full of Grace over and over as I said the Lord's prayer. I rocked mom's hospital bed As mom walked through the valley of death I was with her as I handed her over to her Lord. Mom said that one day she will be with her mommy and daddy in Heaven and mom was such a kind soul. I am sure God granted her wish and she is at peace. I was so sad another rainy cold night Jan 1, 2006 at 10pm. We came here to Virginia from Arizona with such hopes and dreams of a better life. Who would have thought I would loose mom and you. When mom's birthday came that year. You were there with me and said that I looked so sad and the spark in my eyes was gone and how I aged. You were so sad for me. I know Erika I could not picture any more sadness at that moment but when I lost you too. Oh Erika it has been deeper than I could ever imagine. You helped me with mom. I had you to lean on and your arms around me and I can still feel your kisses on my head and I also can still feel how you rocked me like I was a young child crying for their mommy. Now no one to rock me crying for you. This I have to do on my own. You spoiled me with your love Erika. So much . So very much. I miss that. If you see mom give her a kiss for me tell her Happy Birthday. I am hoping she knows I am thinking of her as always too. I love you both and miss you both. Happy Birthday Mom and Erika I love you....Forever and a day....Your...Kay

As you know Erika our Dog Elvis died today almost 10 am. I can not believe from Kidney Failure. He was only 3 years old . Ahh Erika I could not bring him home too .
I could not bare to have one more container of ashes of sad memories to look at.
It was something over the years how you started to like animals. I know when we lost Maddie to Cancer and B and N took my Sheba for the wrong reason was all so sad. Now to lose Elvis right after you and having the same problem. When you passed he would lay by the door sad. Everytime he heard a noise he thought it was you and he would jump up with his tail wagging. I try to picture in my mind him running to you today and you picking him up and he is happy to see you. Please hold him Erika. he protected me and he always knew when I had a bad day with my cancer. He would follow me even to the restroom and lay in waiting to ensure I was ok. You know what a protector he was. For sure no one was coming into our home! I love you Erika. Maybe he wanted to be with you. It brings me comfort to know but so sad. I am having a hard time. Stay with me Erika help me. Love you Erika and little Elvis... Kay

Hi Honey...... I miss you as always. It is very hard..I am having a hard time Erika. Sometimes you you would say a pity party but no maybe on my birthday but, this is grief.
I wish I could be with you ....I miss you so very much and want you to hold me...tell me it was just a bad dream...all just a bad dream. I am very sad today...I am trying to sleep it off. I need you to help me Erika...let me feel you near me please...let me know you are ok. I am alone and I hurt deep in my soul..sadness. I love you and miss you so very much Erika.. Love you forever and a day...ahh I cry so hard and tears just won't stop..it is not easy as days go by ..to me it is harder.....Love you Your Kay

Ah Erika I had such plans for you today. Great day for Virginia beach. I know you loved it so! The whole weekend planned. Frid,Sat and Sun coming home Monday it was a big occasion for your 60th. You said not to make a big deal about it. You hated the thought of turning 60. I loved you no matter how old you felt ...you know that. How many times I told you in my eyes you looked as good as you did when I first met you! I look at your pictures how lucky was I to have a beautiful woman and loving, sexy all the things one dreams of. From your head to your toes you looked wonderful!! I hope in Heaven you were looking down as I looked up today feeling my energy of love for you. Happy birthday Erika my love. I love you forever and a day. I miss you Erika so very much. Love Kay

Erika today is my birthday and it is the first time in 57 years I have been alone. Today you would have had a card for me with lots of kisses. I read your card from last year it read: on your birthday I'd like to Grab you and hug you and Squeeze you and kiss you and hold you and cuddle you and kiss you some more! Inside it reads Just like any other day!
Happy birthday with love. You wrote I love you you're one and only Erika. The suprise is that you always date your cards to me and this one has no year and it was on my headboard. Title My sweet one. I guess you wanted me to find it. At least that is what I am telling myself and since it had no year it was to be forever. I wanted to spend time with you Erika today. Your birthday is coming up this week also. I will return and be with you. I love you Erika you know I do. You will always be a part of me. I still have moments and I am still trying you know that. I talk to you to help me with the bad days. I can not promise you know I do not lie but I am trying really I am. watch over me Erika and stay with me please. I need your comfort and knowing you are near. Love you forever and a day.Erika. Your Kay

I remember that we talked about not being sure if we liked each other when we first met. We found out that we did. We drifted and I wish we hadn't.
Erika, if it wasn't for you, I probably never would have sang a note. Thank you for bringing that joy into my life.
I remember how much we laughed when you would get really excited and launch into German. I had no idea what you were saying, but you said it with such enthusiasm! I would be trying to keep a straight face, then bust up laughing.
I remember Pink, Fuzzy, Bunnies....
I remember when you first met Kay. You were convinced that she was going to be another "fix em and send em on their way" relationship. You had alot of those. I'm so glad you had that love in your life.
I remember being friends.....I always will.
I

Erika....I hope you like the site I have set up for you... still adding photos of good memories and the meaning in them....it was hard as you know very hard ...I am not doing well Erika...I am seeking help to get me through my grief but...it is soooo hard like now...I can not stop my tears from flowing..Oh Erika...I miss you so much....I need you...I am lost without you and so... alone....I can not seem to fit anywhere...I try... but , nothing.. It is a feeling of an out of body experience Erika like nothing is real....like a nightmare and I can not wake up from it. I look around and I look for you...I call out your name....I have your clothes still left out with your purse and coat and I can still smell your perfume...always loved youth dew on you....I looked in the closet and saw your clothes...my insides just panic and I feel sick ...thinking your not coming back...I even get faint...oh my God Why???? I needed you ....you are my everything.
You thought you was a burden when you became ill and how many times Erika ..I said
if it was me ...you would not think anything of it and that is what I told you...ahhh you were not my burden...I loved you and needed you I told you that...you knew...that is why you cried that day saying I needed someone...you was so worried of leaving me...I told you please do not talk like that and not to cry ...it made me cry...the song you played in the car that day..I'll leave this world loving you...and you made me cry because you cried and I told you Erika ...please do not say that...I can not bare to think I will be here without you and God here I am Erika...and it hurts Erika ... it hurts soooo bad......I am trying honey with your help...I am trying....I know you wanted me to go back to Arizona you had friends promise to bring me home. You did not want me to be here all alone....well....Honey
what can I say..I talk to you at the hospital...this as was not what you wanted for me......
I guess you did not have meeting of the minds as you thought....It was just you and I at the end baby ...just you and I ....then me by myself...driving home alone in the dark..cold rain ....please stay with me Erika..I wear your necklaces I bought pendants of your finger print I bought one gold and one silver...so as I wear them where they fall on my chest you will always be touching my heart...and on the back side engraved Love Erika.
They are nice. Your ashes are with honey. I keep them and see to it you will be
with me when I lay to rest I love you Erika Until we meet again...I love you Forever and a day...Your Kay

Erika,
You were always the life of the party. Your smile made everyone else smile. When Kay walked in the room your smile brightened all the more. Thank you for sharing your genuine self and all of your smiles with us!
Priscilla

“Lawdy Miss Claudy”, your “kool-aid” smile is the image I hold dear.
THANK YOU MS. ERIKA FOR SHARING A PART OF YOU WITH ME IN FRIENDSHIP!
I will love and respect you most for being straight with me. No hidden agenda or misconceptions of what I was to receive in friendship with you. “What you see is what you get”.

Your heart was embroidered with love and care when it came to giving and doing for others; namely those whom you befriended.
Thank you, my friend, for going out of your way in making me feel comfortable and welcomed in your life,
Thank you for the laughs we shared in the times we spent together.
Thank you for your teachings and words of wisdom.
Thank you for offering me something to drink and eat whenever I came to visit.
Thank you for the gifts you willingly handed over in good gesture of your friendship.
Thank you for the kind of friend that was easy to please.
Thank you for nursing my spouse by placing a pillow behind her back or under her knee in easing her pain.
Thank you for singing our song “Can I have this dance” by Anne Murray, at our union ceremony.
Thank you for fulfilling my wish for a German chocolate cake on my 40th birthday.
Thank you for welcoming my sister into your home and offering her a cup of coffee.
Thank you for not judging me; but understanding my thinking and expressions.
Thank you, my friend, for being a musical note in my life of friendships.
Forgive me, my friend, for my offenses.
“Go forward my German friend, where you shall be rewarded forever and ever for your good deeds”.
Thank you, Lord, for having graced me with a friend like Erika

Hey Erika - I remember when I gave you a piece of the Berlin Wall after it was torn down. You were so happy that it came tumbling down. It felt good to give you a part of history - You knew more about the reality of it, then we the U.S. did. I enjoyed doing cognac with you also. You were the first and last person I ever drank the stuff with. It's a good memory. You also nominated me for the Char award - thanks for thinking that highly of me. I'll always remember that we never had a problem between us. I'm sorry that you had to go - but until we meet again - Cheers baby......Linda Rider

My Poem to you Erika I wrote 2/7/1992 Remembered I gave you this I wrote I found in your box
of keepsakes.....
CALLED:
Erika....knew
I love how you hold me and let me love you....a love I knew would be true.
I love how you smile,laugh and clown..a love I knew would have no bounds.
I love our kiss and your caress...a love I knew would be better than all the rest.
I love to see me in your eyes, and the way you call me Paradise..a love I knew had no disquise.
I knew when I loved you from the time we met, somehow your love I had to get.
I knew I loved you, I knew I cared, somehow I had to have you.. somehow ...somewhere.
I knew when I touched you even for a moment, that I wanted you, needed you , without you
I would not be content.
I knew I was addicted to you right from the start. Right from the moment that you stoled my heart.
I could not hold back, I could not wait , not for a second, could I hesitate.
My love for you ..I had to express, I was ready to explode, I was spontaneous.
I just knew I had to be heard. I just knew I had to say the words...I 've always been in love with you Erika....I just knew I just knew...Love Always Kay

Erika I miss you...I was looking at your cards you bought me and one you titled "My Hero" I do not feel like a Hero...I feel like I let you down. Not able to save you. Helpless, I wanted so much to pull you out of the hospital, oh baby you were so sick...they infected you so bad...and I could not find anyone to save you. No...Not a Hero.. I feel like a failure...I know honey..you would hold me and tell me it is ok....but, I can't help it. With my head on your arm and holding your hand and watching you cross over. It rained Honey, sooooo hard that day as I cried. The Angels in heaven was crying with me, sad day..the earth lost a wonderful human. I lost my best friend, my lover, I do not feel anyone will ever understand me like you did. Erika I love you...you were my life...my reason..I just wanted to tell you I am sorry...I am so sorry honey I could not save you